Sunday, 26 July 2009

Spilled milk

Storytime. Once three people, by chance, met up in a chat room. The only apparent thing they had in common was a forum that they had all visited. I'm feeling unimaginative so let's call them A, B and C. Even more by chance, two of them happened to live not just in the same country, but quite near together but had never met. I too flitted in and out. A and B struck me as being reasonable, interesting and amusing people. C struck me as being slightly strange, so if C was around I rarely stayed. Some time later, C was upset about something and cleared off for a while, so I started chatting with A and B. We seemed to get on well, so B started up a new chat for us so that it didn't look as though we were trying to take over the initial chatroom. A few more people were invited and visited regularly. As with all groups, the dynamics change with more people and different personalities, but it was still an interesting and lively chatroom. Sometimes A, B and I were there together and continued to enjoy the same interesting, witty, fast and stimulating conversation that we had started off with. A few other people were invited but didn't visit as regularly as the now extended core group. They were totally outside my time zone, or rather the hours I keep, so sadly I rarely spoke to them. And as with all groups there were arguments, or disagreements, or whatever you want to call them. Some serious, some apparently less so. If we can't disagree with our friends and move on, then there is an inherent problem. A and B argued. I argued with A too on more than one occasion. It had become increasingly rare for the three of us to enjoy our previously easy-going and carefree chat. Everyone had external stresses too - personal, financial, work, family, the usual. We traded insults, either deliberately or unintentionally, and sometimes there was tension. But A and B reconciled their differences. I on the other hand fell out spectacularly with A, and decided I was better off out of there. When it gets to the point that there are more bad vibes than good, and the good times have faded into the past it is time to leave. Later I heard that A left the chat too. So out of the three who started off in the spin-off chat, there is now only one. When there is more pain than gain in any relationship either for you or for others, whether virtual or real, there is no point prolonging it. That's an example of (small) group dynamics, where for whatever reason, things didn't work out despite a promising and very good beginning. One to one relationships are the same too. Friends, lovers, work colleagues,family - doesn't really matter, but the same rule applies. When all you can concentrate on are the negative points, the disappointment, the disillusionment, the feeling that you have been let down, deceived, or just that you really don't value any more in someone's scheme of things, it is time to take that decision. The good times have faded into the past, and are far outweighed by the bad things. Better to get out while you still have a few good memories to look back on. Time to let go. And not cry.


sigh said...

A and B didn't reconcile, B decided to pretend everything was fine for the greater good. B also ignored A whenever she could :)

from B :P

roughseasinthemed said...

Thanks B. :P

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

Actually I read this the other day and didn't have time to comment.

Reading it again today several of the latter paragraphs have great relevance to things which have happened here, since I was last reading your blog.

The last para and the very last sentence are unbelievably relevant.

J x