Friday, 20 March 2009

Mrs? or Ms, Miss? - yet again......

Oh dear. There is a long way to go.

I read a rather better article elsewhere that of course I didn't save, than this elsewhere. This is so depressing. The caption is so depressing. 'Getting married? What do you call yourself now?'

It is - presumably - addressed to the woman getting married, and includes a photo of a (to me) somewhat gaudy ring with a red heart. I may be wrong. I doubt it. Having got married more than 20 years ago and retained the title of Miss because I wasn't sufficiently thinking to use Ms, I do find this all terribly old hat.

I am really struggling to believe that people find it controversial that married women do not wish to be called Mrs. It seems women are having even more problems than I did 20+ years ago. Partly because everything is computerised and it seems the programmes will only accept that married women can be called Mrs. What about those who use the title of Dr? Huh?

And as for Ann Widdecombe, MP. What a fucking hypocrite. "I can't see the point of Ms and I don't see it as an issue." Well sweetie, just because you can't see the point, doesn't mean there isn't one. There is a point and it is an issue. So stop being so disrespectful to other people's points of view.

She will actually call women Ms if she doesn't know their marital status. How contradictory. If she was being that pernickety perhaps she should use Miss/Mrs. But if she knows they are married she will automatically assume, with her glorious righteousness, that they should be called Mrs.

The point is, Ann, that marital status should not be the way that women are judged, addressed, titled etc etc. Still don't get it? If I say, on very rare occasions, that I am married, and you choose to call me Mrs - you will be totally and utterly wrong. See, I have kept my birth name. So to call me, Mrs MyName is just plain incorrect. As the story in the BBC news example goes - you are referring to my mother. I have not taken my husband's name. Get it yet? So therefore, I can't be Mrs AnyName.

We don't all share your values (such as they are). While you may disrespect the right of a woman to choose her name and her title - surely you don't want to make such an arse of yourself by just getting it wrong all the time. Or maybe you do? Stop trying to impose your views and beliefs on women who choose to fight for their independence.

As for Charles Kidd of Debrett's. "I was brought up to address a married woman as Mrs John Smith, for example." So was I. I've changed my point of view. Shame you haven't.

1 comment:

Cybernest said...

Hi Roughseas...

You raise some interesting points. I think the issue (if there is one at all) is all about mutual respect.

Personally, I'm a bit from the old school. If a lady is married, I will tend to refer to her as Mrs... if she's not, then it's Miss. If the lady is unhappy with either... then in my experience, she'll soon point this out... and I'm happy to then refer to her as Ms... or whatever she prefers.

If there is an issue at all here, it's largely with individuals and not with society... though I do take your point with respect to form filling, both on and offline.

As I say, I think it's individuals who have an issue with how a woman is addressed. Perhaps, as often with these things, it's down to how self assured a person is... maybe in particular, in her personal relationships. Most women I know... who are self confident, assured and happy in a stable relationship have no issue with this. All they ask is that they are accorded the respect they deserve as people... and that's easy to go along with... at least for those of us who walk through life giving everyone the respect we all deserve. What we call each other is largely immaterial, so long as its respectful... IMHO!

Have a good and harmonious weekend!

Saludos! :)